Friday, July 31, 2009

A Tagged Confession, Parts I and II

I have been tagged by The Private Diary of a Chic Mum of Four for the Blame Tara Meme and also by The Fabulous Matriarch does life by Talking About Love, so I've combined both tags to make it simple.
Part I: Blame Tara Meme
1) Who is the hottest movie star?
It has to be Richard Gere. He is gorgeous with every aspect that nature has given him. If I ever saw him walking, I would "accidentally" fall on him and just start humping him.

2) Apart from your house and car, what is the most expensive item you've ever bought?
All I can think of right now is my laptop. Once I hit publish this post, I am sure I will think of something else.

3) What's your most treasured memory?
I am not going to say giving birth. I still feel my uterus twitching just thinking about it. Even though I do love my kids. I would not do that again. My most treasured memory is when I was a kid and my dad would drive all of us to go and see our grandparents who lived 4 hours away.

4) What was the best gift you've ever received?
I've had quite a few in my day but I would have to say when my hubby got me my very first diamond.

5) What is the biggest mistake you've ever made?
Having sex before marriage.

6) Four words that describe you.
Humorous, stylish, easy-going and vibrant.

7) What was the highlight and lowlight of 2008?
We really ain't got all day.

8) Favourite Film
Anything that has Richard Gere in it.

9) Tell me one thing I don't know about you.
I don't like to be called Barb...either call me by my whole name or just say "Hey you!!"

10) If you were a comic book/character who would you be?
I would be Wonder Woman!! Hmmm!!!

I now pass this tag onto

Part II: Talking About Love
Pick Your Artist: Maxwell

Are you a male or female?: This woman's work

Describe yourself: Get to Know Ya

How do you feel: Fortunate

Describe where you currently live: The Lady Suite

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Whenever, Wherever, Whatever

Your favorite form of transportation: Pretty Wings

Your best friend is: Mello: Sumthin

Your favorite color is: Camouflage

What's the weather like: Don't ever wonder

Favorite time of the day: Lifetime

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Suite Urban Theme

What is life to you: Gotta Get Closer

Your relationships: Ascension

Your fear: Till the cops come knockin'

What is the best advice you have to give: Now

If you could change your name, you would change it to: Embrya

Thought for the Day: Sumthin' Sumthin'

How I would like to die: Playing Possum

My soul's present condition: Phoenix Rise

My Motto: Stop the world

I'm tagging Luvin Me, and 1 more means four, Be still Sophia, Blueberry Filkins, is it just me?, Mom's Peace Bites, Mom's Fighting Fat, Ms. Wanda, Sunshine Loves Peace, Now what?, Thoughts from the Quiet Storm.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Honest Scrap Award

Yippee, I got my very first award. It's the Honest Scrap Award. I was chosen by Moms Fighting Fat along with several others as well. The rules were for me to (1) Brag about it.. (2) Choose seven blogs I find brilliant and link to them, and.. (3) List 10 honest things about myself. Ok, there were a few I didn't choose because they already had the award, so don't let any feelings be hurt, but booyah..I got the award....HOLLA. Is that enough bragging for ya. Ok, now on to ten honest things about me.

1.) I got 3rd place as Miss East Park Elementary in 3rd grade and I walked alone because my escort had said something stupid and I stomped on his foot.

2.) I got suspended for three days in my ninth grade year because some jerk pushed me in a crowded hall and yes I pushed him back but my mom wasn't mad because she said I did the right thing by not letting some guy push on me.

3.) I work at a junior college as an Administrative Assistant, but titles don't mean anything to me because either you know what you are doing or you fake it to make it.

4.)I have thought about slapping a few co-workers but don't know if I'd have a job at the end of the day. By the way, I'm not a hot-tempered person after reading #1, 2, and 4.

5.) I have three holes in my left ear and two in my right. It was the stylish thing back when I was in high school, so I left it like that. I actually put the 2nd and 3rd holes in myself. Piece of cake.

6.)I have a screwed up right ankle...literally....I broke my ankle several years ago while I was trying to be a good steward and now I have pins and screws in it on both sides and the scars to tell about it.

7.) I do not eat chocolate cake and I don't eat chocolate icing. I feel like I'm going to puke right about.....NOW.

8.) I have dated two guys at the same time, but I learned my lesson when they both showed up at my house at the same time on the same night.

9.) I don't have a bucket to piss in nor a window to throw it out of.

10.) I have found that I love blogging.

My seven blogs I find brilliant are, and not necessary in this order, J'aime Moi (Luvin Me) ; Be Still, Sophia; Blueberry Filkins; Is it just me? ; Me and My Ego; the Fabulous Matriarch does life; and Now what?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I want to see how to learn

As crazy as it sounds, there was a student who came in my office and asked me if I could do him a favor. Well depends on what the favor is, so he proceeded with his request. When he said what he had to say, I gave him THE LOOK and asked him if he was in his right mind. We all know what THE LOOK is right? When you cock your head to one side and look up from under your eyelids...ok stop cracking up, I'm trying to type here.

I must continue. The request was if there was something I could look up to see what his instructor looked like. I said, "Excuse me." I really didn't mean to sound like he was stupid, but ok ok, he sounded stupid. He began to tell me that his learning is based on what his instructor looks like. He said that if he had an ugly instructor that he wouldn't be able to learn the right way. He wanted to see if they were old or young, and with or without posture. I then asked Job's wife cousin, I meant this fool--how in the fa sheezy heezy did that have to do with anything.

So being the "semi-professional" that I "sometimes" try to be at work, I told him that I would call someone to see if there was such a thing. I be darn if I called another department and told them what this man wanted if they didn't burst out laughing on the phone. I am soooooo glad that I didn't have them on speaker phone. I wanted to laugh with them but I held it in and I could feel my blood vessels busting in my gut ready to explode. Yes, this man wanted to see his instructor before class to determine if they were pretty or ugly enough to teach him. I've heard several things come through my office but this was not one of them.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Shoe and Tell

No, I didn't mean to put Show and Tell. This story is about a pair of shoes that had me highly upset over the weekend. And it wasn't even my shoes. Well sit back and enjoy this one. This is more lengthy than the rest.

It all started on Saturday evening when hubby came into the living room and asked me had I seen his shoes. I told him that I don't keep up with his stuff and that if he didn't know where they were, I sure as heck didn't know where they were. I could have given a simple "no" but it was "how" he asked me like I had shoes for lunch or something. I always tell him that it's a matter of how he says things verses what he says. He always says crap like, "Geez, well HOW do you want me to say it?" (with attitude) Anyway, back to the shoes. The last time he wore the shoes was when we were in Montgomery about two weeks ago. He had the audacity to ask me if I left the shoes in the hotel room. Now ladies, again here we go with the mumbo jumbo of words here. How come he didn't ask me, "do you THINK you left the shoes in the room" instead of just accusing I did it. Ok now I'm pissed off but I'm trying hard not to show it. I then tell him that it was not responsibility to pick up his stuff that he should have put in the bag in the first place.

He wants to know why I went there. I asked him why is he stressing about them shoes. I told him that it's not like he doesn't have more than one pair, and that it wouldn't change his life one way or the other. I could have been nicer, and I do know that if I would have lost a pair of shoes, I may be upset for a minute and then get over it but I wouldn't have blamed nobody but myself. Ok, so hubby then asks me to find the number to the hotel and I did and he calls the hotel to see if somebody turned in some shoes from two weeks ago. Of all things this man could have said, he then had the 2nd audacity to tell me that it was my job to make sure everything is out of the hotel when we leave. I almost felt a poltergeist come over me. I was not about to start an argument, so I went in the room and went to bed. I heard him call me a few times but I didn't answer. I pretended to be sleep.

Well lo and behold, I got up Sunday morning thinking about them shoes and I was saying to myself that I am not going to let this man of a husband that I have steal my joy. Something told me to go in the office and look in a few boxes just to see if I see the shoes he can't find. I look in one box, no shoes...I look in a second box, no shoes...I look in a third box, WHAT!! Could it be...nah, can't be. I woke my son up and took him the shoes and asked him if those were the shoes that hubby were looking for. Son wakes up with crust in his eyes and says, "no ma'am those are not the shoes." I can say that I tried right? When hubby woke up, I brought the shoes back up and asked him what color were the shoes (he was in better spirits by then) and he said what color they were and how they were made. I said, "oh really." I went back in the office, pulled the third shoe box that I had previously and opened the box and BAM! there were his shoes. He said that he had looked everywhere and didn't see them shoes. He asked me where did I find them. I told him they were right there in the third box right in front of his face.

I was questioned and rejected. I was accused and scorned. I brought reality to life. Is this not the life of Jesus!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

The itty bitty titty committee

Now before I go any further, I do hope that if you do have small breasts that you do not take offense to this blog but find it rather comical. Well with that being said, I must continue. My daughter and I joined a women's fitness center and have been going for about a week now. They have all these mirrors as if I want to constantly stare at myself sweating like a pig about to go to market while I am on this treadmill. So we were getting our workout on before we hit the weights and in the mirror I can see everybody who comes in plus I can see everybody who is exercising behind us.

As I'm getting my warm out walk on, I looked in the mirror and lo and behold there was a lady on this exercise machine where her breast had come out of her bra. I couldn't help but notice and so I looked over at my daughter on the other treadmill and without me saying anything, she just started giggling and then turned to act like she didn't see it. I was like, "somebody needs to tell this lady that her little titty, uh breast, is poking through her clothes" but it's not gonna be me. Now my thing is if you're going to have half a nipple staring at the whole gym through the mirrors to at least have hefty size jugs like mine so that when someone sees it, their response would be, "WHOA MAMA!" and then they would be going out to get plastic surgery to get some of the ones I have that nature blessed me with.

Now I never thought I'd be posting about someone elses breast but I had to share that moment of a blind sight torture for me and I felt that I had to finish up on my treadmill with my eyes closed.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Random things about me

First and foremost, I don't have cramps when my cycle comes on. I never have. I used to count the days when to expect it coming, now it just pops up whenever. It may be 35 days, may be 61 days...I just don't know......I don't have nor have I ever had hair on my legs. I don't eat mustard or ketchup, but I eat tomatoes.....I don't eat coconut - gross!!! I hate squash and asparagus, yes I've tried it and it tastes like a bad diet has gone wrong. I do love collard greens, but I hope it's a weekend when I eat them or else, your air freshener will be used up in a very familiar place because those collards go right through me. This is also the same for grape juice and cashews...I love it but it doesn't love me.

I hate snakes and lizards with an utmost passion. I don't drink coffee. I've never had a Brazilian wax but if it's anything more stinging like getting my eyebrows wax, then I'm not sure I want that done. I have been to the Bahamas twice. I love shrimp all kinds of ways (except coconut). If I could marry Richard Gere, he would be my next husband. OK maybe my boyfriend, I don't think I want to ever get married again. I am so into hoop ear-rings, except for the ones that come all the way down to my shoulder. I don't smoke and I don't drink.

My favorite color is purple. I love all kinds of music. I don't consider myself very photogenic but I love to snap other folks picture. I love humor and comedy. I hope I don't cry over a man if he doesn't cry over me. I'm not self-absorbed but I love myself. I wear a size 12 shoe and I have every color watch except green and fuchsia but I'm working on that. I am originally from MS and I'm the third daughter of four girls (no brothers). Well I bet from all of that, you probably feel that you know me already. Have a wonderful day in blog land.

Monday, July 20, 2009

One hundred dollars and counting

My 13 year old son had his mind set on playing football for quite some time. When he came to me and said he wanted to play, I was sort of thrown back because his favorite sport is basketball. My husband and I try to teach our children about hard work and dedication and that nothing in life is free. With that being said, my son inquired about the football team (or league) he wanted to play on and that it would cost $100.00 to register. He was mowing the grass in our neighborhood just to save up $100.00. I watched him as he got out in that heat with sweat dripping off his brow determined that he was going to play football.

The mother part in me wanted to give in and tell him that I would pay for it for him, but the other part in me wanted him to see that he will not be 13 forever and that anything we want in life, we had to work for. I've also told my kids that if there was anything they wanted to do, to get me all the information first before you come to me and then when they've done all they can do, that's where I try and see what I can do on my end. I don't want them to expect that we are suppose to do everything for them.

Well, one evening my son came to me with a piece of folded paper. I just assumed it was something he had written me, and I asked him if he wanted me to open it now. He said yes. I opened that piece of paper and in it was one $50.00, one $20.00, and three $10.00. Inside the note he had written what team he was wanting to play for, where the address was, the phone number, the date to register from one time to the next. I was so amazed and so proud of him. The next step was for me and hubby to get him where he needed to be. He was an extremely happy camper that day, especially knowing he had to work for what he wanted and that it didn't come easy either.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

A cup runneth over

Just from the title alone, you would probably be thinking I am talking about a mug or a coffee cup. Nope. I am referring to my daughter's cup size, as in bra. I'm tickled pink to be even typing this but it was hilarious as it happened. She put on a shirt one day and I asked her what did she have on under her clothes. She said that she didn't understand what I was talking about. So I asked her what was all that jiggly stuff. She laughed and said, "oh that?" Um, yeah that. Her breasts could no longer fit the bra. There was jiggly stuff in the middle and her bra was just covering some extra breast meat on the side somewhere. I told her that we needed to go bra shopping because the bra she had on was of no use to her anymore and she said that she had several like that one.

I hardly ever (which really means really close to never) use my Belk card. I just have it, so I thought I would pull that thing out and go and get my daughter a really good bra in the mall. (I hate the mall with a passion.) But it wasn't about me. I told her to shower first before we left because she was going to be trying these bras on; and also she was going to get fitted by a bra specialist for the very first time. (Can you imagine your title being a bra specialist...LOL) So off we go to the mall and she is as jolly as ever to get some new bras from the mall (instead of Wal-mart or K-mart). I told her that she could get up to five and that if need be, we would come back at another time. But she opted to get two instead and they fit so much better. She said that she didn't think a bra could make your clothes look better. I knew for a fact that it does, especially me, being a plus size (but gorgeous) chic.

Well my daughter is happy for now. I am happy that I don't have to see them jiggling basketballs out of the net. They are finally in a comfortable resting place where they belong.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

A maxi pad saga

We are the type of parents that have told our children that they could come and talk to us about anything, whether we agree with them or not. Well my daughter sent me a text at work and said that she was cramping and I already know when that time of month comes, that she is cranky and she wants us to pet her like she's 3. I can not relate to her pain because I have never ever had a cramp in my life nor have I ever had hair on my legs. I'm not bragging, but that's another post another day.

She came into our room (again) and just as I was about to get in the shower, she has something in her hand and then went up to hubby with this maxi-pad in her hand. She said, "guess what?" Hubby said, " I don't know, what?" She said to him that he is very lucky that he doesn't have to wear one of these (referring to the pad she is waving in his face). I said, "girl, put that thing away." Hubby chuckled and said that she was fine and then she told him to catch, and sure enough he holds his hands up to catch something and she throws the maxi-pad at him.

The two of them thinks it's a game and he says back to her, "now you catch." And do you know that the two of them are playing catch with a sanitary napkin!! She then jumps in our bed and asks hubby if he can rock her because she feels bad and that her uterus was twisting and turning and do you know that he did. I just shook my head and went on my merry little way. I think we put the fun in dysfunctional.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

What do married couples do?

My 16 year old still thinks she is somewhat of a baby at times. As I was preparing myself to go and get in the bed and take a good night's sleep, she comes and jumps in the bed right in between me and hubby. I could feel the sleep in my eyes overpowering me and all I could see was my head following the call of my pillow say, "come to me my child and rest upon me." I was so ready to answer the pillow. I asked my 16 year old child what was she doing in there with us and she said that wanted to bond with her parents. I went ahead and allowed it but good grief, I wanted her to leave...quickly, by golly, I was sleepy.

Before I told her to leave, she took it upon herself and hopped up and said, "well I'll go now so you two can do what married people do." Ummm, excuse me. My eyes popped open. I said, "so we can do what?" And again she said, "whatever it is that married people do." I looked at hubby and he looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. I then turned to my daughter and asked her what do married people do, she said that she got that off TV and thought she would say it. She laughed. So then she turned to hubby and said, "so what do married people do?" He looks over at me as if I was suppose to answer. He could see that my head wrap is on and I've already snuggled up on my pillow, and he then tells my daughter that tonight he is about to watch TV and that the other party (of course talking about me) is about to meet Mr. Sandman.

So after she walked out the room, I vaguely looked over at hubby with a half-way smirk on my face and asked him could we do what married couples do...he patted me on my shoulder like I had made a good grade in school and said, "GO TO SLEEP!!" I so declare that was funny because he actually used his deeper voice and I dozed off to sleep after that.

Monday, July 13, 2009

This and that

Our church went to Montgomery, AL on Sunday, July 12 but my family and I decided to drive up on Saturday and stay the night. I had never been there except for passing through on my way to other places. It was a nice little get-a-way for the norm and the weather was actually bearable.....until....we got to church on Sunday.

As the kids always say, OMG!!! It was sooooo hot in that church. I know the air was on because I could feel it when I first walked in the foyer, but inside the church was a total different story. My husband starting sweating like he was the pig in a blanket. Every time he wiped his shiny head, more sweat seemed to pop up from nowhere. He took off his suit coat, then unloosened his shirt and tie. I really thought he was gonna pass out right there. The church probably would have thought he had fallen out from catching the Holy Ghost. I tried to fan him but that was only working for a brief moment. Dinner was served and then after that, we hurried to our car where there was much air awaiting us.

How in the world did we ever survive without AC? Or any of the other stuff that we have find ourselves "comfortable" with? As we were packing our stuff for this overnight stay, I was just in awe at how much "stuff" we feel that we need. There are the cell phones for all 4 people in my house, then there's my Ipod, my daughter's mp3 player, my son's PSP game, the portable DVD player, the laptop, the GPS, and this and that. Please share how you all survived life before all this modern technology.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


Well I made it back from the funeral in good spirits. I was moved by the service. It was short and sweet. We went through places in Alabama that I've never heard of like Frisco City, Grove Hill, Eutaw, Demopolis, Aliceville and then to Reform. I was so sleepy on my way back but my co-workers who I was riding with just wouldn't let me sleep. They were all forgiven but the entire drive there and back was a great adventure.

My 4th of July was awesome. My parents came over from MS on the 3rd and stayed until the 5th. One of my sisters, the oldest, along with my nephew from TX were at my house as well. My sister and I stayed up all night on Friday just laughing and talking. When we looked up at the clock, it was 3:00 a.m. I could feel my eyes closing beyond despair and that's when I departed her company.

The smell of salmon patties filled the house early Saturday morning as I woke up at 7:00. I knew my mom was in the kitchen doing what she likes doing. There was still much sleep in my eyes, but I got on up to let my mom know I appreciated her for cooking breakfast. As breakfast was slowly passing over, mom was right back in the kitchen preparing yet more food like chicken, baked beans, potato salad, smoked sausage, shrimp, fish, I missing anything? Well we all tried to get in the kitchen and help her but she just wanted us to sit back and enjoy.

Don't ever drive to Pensacola Beach on the 4th of July. That was a huge mistake taking my family over there. The only thing they got to see was water from the car because once we crossed the bridge, there were so many cars and people from all walks of life. I think I even saw Elvis and Tupac. My sister said that she would rather leave than try to find somewhere to park, so we just turned the car around and headed home. Whew!!! I am sweating just thinking of it.

We then went to church on Sunday for 8:00a.m. I'm glad I chose the earlier service because after that, I was no good to anybody. I was so exhausted but I held up until my folks left around 3:00 that evening. I enjoyed their company as always and I will look forward to seeing them again soon.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Prayer Request

Well this is regarding my boss, I mean my previous boss who just retired. Her mom just passed away on Friday, July 3, 2009. Her mom lived in Reform, AL and was either 91 or 92 years old. Please pray for their families as they go through their grieving and hope they all will gain much needed strength. The funeral will be held on Monday, July 6 in Reform. I plan on going but have never been there before. One of my coworkers, who asked me to ride with her to the funeral, said it was about a five hour ride. I hate long rides like that, especially where we come back the same day. I was reluctant to say yes but said that I would go. I thought that after all my boss (yall know I can't let the present term go just yet) has done for me, I feel that I should be there. I will blog more when I get back and also to tell you about my 4th weekend.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A Bittersweet Departure

As my boss was trying to pack up her office, she could barely get anything done because everyone wanted to come in and say goodbye and just sit for "a minute". My department is the largest one on campus so if you can just imagine those who wanted to just stop by or call bidding my boss farewell.

I didn't go in her office as people wandered in and out. I stayed in my own space and just continued to work as the day progressed along. Later in the day when it seemed as if the traffic had gone away, my boss called me into her office. I got up from my chair and walked into her office. She began to tell me how great we work together and that she couldn't tell me good-bye and that she wanted to use "see you later." I agreed.

She said that she would be back every now and then to help the Interim get adjusted, but not at least for 30 days because she is going to Denver to visit her grandchildren and then go to Alabama to visit her 91 year old mom. As my boss and I sat talking, her eyes welled up with tears and then she asked me if she could have a hug. I told her yes and that I would miss her.

It's sometimes hard to let go of people you care about, regardless of the situation. God never said it was going to be easy, but I know that He didn't bring us this far to just leave us out here. His words are that He will never leave nor forsake us; no matter how many people come in and out of our lives, He and His word will never change. I will still keep in touch with my previous boss because just because she isn't here doesn't mean that we have to burn our bridges, I never know when I may need to cross them one day or another.