Monday, May 31, 2010

Me time

As Heather Headley says, "she wants some me time, not some we, not some our but a little me time." That's all I asked for. It wasn't like I was asking for a million dollars or even a kidney. I sat in the room by myself taking off nail polish that had cracked and all I wanted to do was to take it off and add a new fresh coat. I had gotten to fingernail number two when I hear hubby calling my name. I didn't get up, I just yelled "WHAT" from the room. He asked if I could please come here. I walked out the room with a cotton ball soaked with nail polish remover in one hand and the bottle of nail polish remover in the other and I stood against the wall waiting to hear his request.

He asked me about some pictures we had taken about a year ago and wanted to know if I knew where they were. I told him the pictures were probably on my flash drive but I hadn't printed any. As I'm standing there in annoyance from his call, and taking nail polish off at the same time, hubby then asks if I could look on the flash drive to see if the pictures were there. SILENCE. I just had to take a deep breath and said, "I'll look at it when I'm done." Done to me meant done with what all I have to do, like doing my nails after I take a bath and then waiting for my nails to completely dry. Done to hubby meant like stop doing what I'm doing and take care of what he wanted. Absolutely not!

I told hubby that the world would not stop revolving until I got done with what I was doing. He gave out a sigh of disgust like a little kid because I would not look on my flash drive for some pictures. I told him he would get over it and then proceeded to continue doing what I was doing. When I did get done and my nails dried, I looked on the flash drive and the pictures were there just as I had said. I asked what did he want me to do with them and he just wanted to know if I had them. That's it? He wanted me to risk my me time just to look on a flash drive? I'm glad I took the time to do something for me because after that, everybody needed my attention for one thing or another. Take time out for you, even if it is just a few minutes.

Lovingly yours,

Sunday, May 30, 2010

A Birthday Shout Out

Tomorrow, May 31, 2010 will be our daughter's 17th birthday. I just went on ahead and did this post just in case I'm too sleepy to do anything. What an exciting time! She had one of her friends over for the weekend and omg, her friend eats just as much as our son's friends do. I think I may need to start telling the friends before they come over here to drop off change at the door for grocery.

Our daughter and her friend went to a water park on Saturday to celebrate but before she came over our house on Friday, I told daughter's friend that she knows we go to church on Sunday so don't come over here without any clothes. When in Rome, you do as the Romans do.

Our daughter will be going into her senior year this fall, so if anyone wants to contribute to the senior fund, please don't hesitate. I will gladly accept.  Happy Birthday punkin!!!

Lovingly yours,

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Helping with Breakfast

Our daughter has a friend staying over and the two of them got up and decided to cook breakfast. I sat on the couch and just watched the disorganization the two of them were dealing with. They decided they wanted to have pancakes but neither one of them knew how to cook.  I wasn't going to ask if they needed help, I wanted to see what they were working with and I felt if they needed help, then they could ask.

The first thing they did was get the pancake box out and start to read directions which said to add water. I chuckled to myself as they tried to determine how much water to add verses how much pancake batter to add. I wasn't going to say anything. The friend was telling our daughter that the box said to add x amount of batter then add x amount of water. When the two of them finished mixing up their concoction, it looked like they were making play dough. (chuckle) I could hear them in their disgust when they said, "What is this?"

Our daughter came over to the couch where I was sitting and said, "Mom, we tried to make pancake batter and now it looks like this (as she held the bowl down for me to see) can you please help us?" I got up from my nice warm comfortable spot and went over to the kitchen and added just a smidgen more of water and the batter came out nice and smooth. The two teenage girls looked at my work and exclaimed, "Wow, how did you do that?" I told them that cooking is just like anything else, you have to have patience with it. I asked the girls if they wanted to take it over and pour the batter into the already greased skillet. They said they would watch me and so as I cooked the pancakes, they came out all golden and beautiful.

The girls sat down and ate like they had never eaten pancakes before. I told them they were on dish duty and they said they didn't mind since I helped them out in the kitchen. As the two of them sat down at the table and gave thanks over their food, our daughter said, "Thanks mom for helping." My reply, "You are welcome."

Lovingly yours,

Friday, May 28, 2010

Let the truth be known

I am me. That's as simple as it gets. I can't try to pretend to be something or someone that I'm not. Trying to pretend you're someone else is like living a lie. Why in the world would I want to be in someone else's shoes? Mine fit me just fine. Mine are comfortable. If you were to ask me what is my opinion of something, then expect my opinionated answer. I can't give you the answer that you want to hear, then it's not my opinion. Why do people ask you what do you think? In some instances, does it matter what I think? For example, a friend asked me what I thought of an outfit she bought. I wanted to know if she liked the outfit. She said yes. So what would it matter if I thought that she and a cow were having a fight over it and the cow won. If you think you look good, no matter what everyone else may think of you, then you look good.

Here's the deal....a student came into my office and had lost his book. He asked if anyone came and turned in a book. I told him there was no book turned in and that maybe he should go to the police office on campus to see if it was there. He says, "Now do you really think someone turned in a book?" I said, "Well if you didn't think that, why would you come to my office looking for it then?" I wasn't trying to be smart but if someone could easily turn it in to my office, it's likely it could be turned in to the police office too. Duh!!

The young man wanted me to make copies for him from his friend's book and I agreed to do so. He began to converse with me as I made the copies for him. He asked me if I thought he was an idiot for losing his book. I replied, "Well do you think you are an idiot?" He said no, so I asked him what difference would it matter if I thought it or not. He said he didn't think of it like that. I know, especially teenagers, care what people say about them. Why? I don't know.

Hubby was watching Jerry Springer the other day and asked me to come in and watch it with him. That's not even my type of show so he said that I just had to watch this segment. So I sat down and this guy comes out and says that he had to tell his girlfriend a secret. The guy begins to tell this woman that he was born a woman. The girlfriend freaks out. Why on earth couldn't the he-she tell this woman up front than to bring her on a talk show and embarrass her like that!!! I just couldn't even begin to fatham the emotions of the girlfriend.

Church is no different. People come up in there like they are SHOWLIER than anyone else. Yeah I said it. They walk up in there and put on a show like they are holier than God himself. I'd rather be me anyday than to be someone else then forget who I was pretending to be.  Ain't nobody got to pretend for me because I don't have a Heaven or a Hell to put you in. I am not impressed. And if you don't know, now you know. I know I talk like I'm straight out of the country. I can't change that. I don't have money and I don't pretend to either. What you see is what you get and that's as real as I can be.

Lovingly yours,

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Pit Stop

As I was sitting in my office, an instructor came in and wanted to see the boss but she already had someone in her office, so he said that he would wait out in the hallway for her. At the same time, I received a phone call and it was another building wanting me to come over for something. I just popped my head in the door way of my boss and told her that I needed to go over to Building 7 and I'd be right back. When I walked out in the hallway, I thought I was gonna be overtaken by skunk spray. The instructor that was waiting had let out odorous funkadelic  a fart that was so overwhelming that in an instant, I thought I was going to pass out right there.

Nooooo, pass out is an understatement. I may have needed a funeral director because I really thought I was going to puke up my own lungs and just die. I couldn't get outside fast enough. I would have rather dealt with the 90 degree weather than this. It didn't make any sense for no grown man to smell that hideous. He acted as if nothing happened. When I did get outside, I let out a deep breath and then I breathed in, then breathed out again. I felt like I was in a waiting to exhale moment. I wasn't gone long to the next building but when I came back, I was hoping Mr. Gassy was gone and he was.  Peppie LaPou has left the building!!

Lovingly yours,

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

It's hard out here for a pimp

When we were coming home from church this past Sunday, something unusal happened. There is a little boy who lives down the street from us and no matter how many times we pass by, he always throws up his hand and waves if he is outside. This particular Sunday, he waved and instead of hubby just waving back, he stopped and verbally spoke to the little boy. The boy's father was outside as well and told the little boy to stop bothering us. Hubby said he was no bother. The little boy wanted to know where we were coming from and hubby said we were coming from church and then asked the little boy if he goes to church. The father joined in the conversation and said, "Well we go to church sometimes, but he (pointing to the little boy) has autism and ADD and just can't sit still."

Hubby says, "Oh that's alright, cause some of the other children at church can't sit still but if you bring him to church, he will learn." The father shook his said and said that hubby was right. Hubby then mentioned to the father that we will be having Vacation Bible School in June and wanted to know if his son could go with us. The father was hesitant and said that he didn't know because he didn't want his son to get someone and not sit still. That was his main concern. The little boy was saying, "Please dad, can I go?" The dad said he would think about it and let us know, and no sooner had we drove off to head home, our daughter told hubby, "You ain't nothing but a church pimp." Hubby said, "A what?" She repeated, "A church pimp. See you always want folks to come and join us at church. If they want to get to Heaven, I'm sure they know the way."

Silence...........Where in the world did she get this? I couldn't help but laugh inside because it was more funny at how she said it than what she said. Hubby then said, "I guess I'd rather be pimping for the Lord than not pimping for Him. Laughter......more laughter...... and we went on home and enjoyed the rest of the day.

Lovingly yours,

Monday, May 24, 2010

Somebody, please hand over your fan

We went to hubby's school reunion in Laurel, MS and I tell you the dog gone truth, it was so hot, it was just miserable. I'm not even talking about the weather outside. We were inside a building with about 270 people and when we walked in, I already knew this was not going to work. The minute our feet stepped inside this building, sweat found a new home. I thought that maybe someone had just turned on the air and that it would get cool in about twenty minutes or so. When I say, it was hot.....that is merely an was HAWT!! I felt like Nelly when he said take off all your clothes, but them old geezers would have had a heart attack from all this sexiness.

Hubby was busy socializing with folks he hadn't seen since he left the school in 1967 and I look across the room and he is dripping sweat like it was in style for a day. I glanced around the room again and there were two of them fans like they have in auto body shops. One was on, the other was not. I was like, "what in the world!!" I looked in my purse and found a handkerchief that one of my friend's sons had given me and it surely came in handy. As people entered the room, the topic of conversaton was this dog gone heat. I finally caught a glimpse of hubby and motioned for him to come here. I asked him is the air working. Hubby said, "What air? There is no air." the heck we didn't take a 3 hour ride just to be in a non AC building. Them folks really should have been ashamed of themselves and the event was going to last 3 days.

If the committee knew it wasn't no air, then maybe they should have rented a building that did. Not to mention it was just as hot outside so there was no need for me to move myself out there. Every person that was there had some type of napkin wiping their heads or a made up paper fan. Not even drinking that cold bottle of water made it any cooler. One man got sick from the heat and had to leave. I could have stayed home if I had known about this heat. Some of the people were sweating through their shirts while others looked as if John the Baptist had just brought them up from the river.

Lovingly yours,

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Don't start nothing, won't be nothing

Hubby is probably jumping around with ants in his pants with a case of over excitement. We will be attending his school reunion this weekend, not class reunion, but his school reunion from 1730 to 1840, or whatever year he graduated high school. So hubby comes to me and says that I should wear this or that to the banquet . Whooooooaaaa horsey! Now we got a problem. Not a big problem, just a teensy weeny little one. I like the freedom of choosing my own clothes and being comfortable with what I choose.

I wasn't trying to make a big deal out of it but I told him don't start nothing, won't be nothing. I don't want hubby to even get in this habit of telling me what I should wear. If I even get in the habit of allowing hubby to dictate my outfits, he'll be wanting to do it all the time. As long as my big behind ain't out, my breast ain't showing, my skirt is not the same length as my underwear, it's not too tight, I don't have a problem with it. That's all it takes is one time, one time to have unprotected sex for somebody to get pregnant, it only takes one time for someone to do drugs and then becomes addicted, it only takes one time for someone to steal something and be a criminal for life.  Now he would have been better off saying he thinks I look nice in this outfit and he can't get enough of seeing me in it, that probably would have blown my mind into left field.

Lovingly yours,

Monday, May 17, 2010

Natural laxatives

I should have known that when I ate them blackberries that they would tear my stomach up, but I didn't know.  I know that when I drink grape juice, eat collard greens, corn and homemade ice cream that there is no hope for the bathroom. You might as well just give me a bucket out in the woods and let me pretend I am a bear.

I saw them blackberries in Wal-Mart and they looked so good and I just had to buy me some. Once I went home and washed them, I put them in my container to take with me to work. They looked so delicious after washing that I had to just give in to temptation and eat like five of the blackberries.

So shortly afterwards, about a few hours later is about what I would say, I heard a rumble going on and I looked around to see if I could tell where the sound was coming from. It was me. I dashed to the bathroom like Rudolph had missed Christmas and I had instant relief. Well you would have thought that would have deterred me from eating the rest of the blackberries, but it didn't because I didn't know it was the blackberries. I sat at work with my pretty little container in desperation and anxiety to eat the blackberries. I ate the blackberries and continued to do my work, but by the time that lunch time rolled away, I think I hopscotched and double dutched to the ladies room.

I was alone in the office and had to pass gas, I knew it was them blackberries so I just let the poot out. And one brief second later, the delivery guy comes in. OH MY GOSH!!!! I had it already smelling spring time fresh with the smell of blackberries in the air. There was no turning back. I couldn't undo what had already been done. So now I know I don't need all those things that are on the shelf, I'm going to go and just get me some natural laxatives right out the kitchen. I don't know about them blackberries though, they played a dirty number on me.

Lovingly yours,

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Just kidding

Our 14 year old son has taken up a habit that he doesn't even realize he's doing. He says something and then at the end of it, he says, "just kidding." So he says, "Mom, your shoes are untied" I look, "Just kidding". "I'm going outside and mow the grass......just kidding." It seems like it comes out of his mouth with every sentence he makes, so I mentioned to him that he needs to break that habit and break it fast, and while I am talking to him, he asks a question, but then said, "Just kidding." I told him that I don't have a problem breaking that belt back out and putting it on his behind.

Just a mere two days later, he was talking with our 16 year old daughter and he had mentioned what he was going to do for her 17th birthday, which is on May 31, and as we were eating, Mr. 14 year old says something to her and then said, "Just kidding." He looked over at me and said he was sorry and that it just came out. I told him that nothing just comes out unless you want it to come out and that nobody is controlling his tongue but him.

He said that if he isn't sinning, what's so bad about saying "just kidding." I told him that for one, it's annoying and that for another thing, nobody won't be able to trust him if he keeps doing that. Hubby and I reminded him of the fable of the boy who cried wolf and then when a wolf really came, nobody listened. I told 14 year old that it's the same way. When he is being for real about something, nobody will take him serious and think once again he is just kidding. I told him it's ok to have fun and laugh but it's also a way to do it. He said he will try to do better and try to catch himself saying it or else he knows there will be consequences and I'm not kidding about that!

Lovingly yours,

Monday, May 10, 2010

Practice makes perfect

Our 16 year old daughter wanted me to take her driving, but everytime she wanted to go, I always had something to do or somewhere to go. Finally, we agreed that we would go on Saturday. I told her that I was taking her to practice driving and that she had to get up early so we can do what we needed to do and then get back home because I had a wedding to attend later in the day.

Saturday morning came and I was up at 6:00 a.m. I woke up 16 year old and told her that we needed to get the day started. She looked up at the clock and said, "Mom, do you know it's 6:00 in the morning?" I assured her that I knew exactly what time it was and that we needed to get a move on if we were going driving. She said that she expected us to at least go around 11:00. I told her that by that time, I would already be back home. So off we go to this big empty parking lot with stop signs, yield signs, and a pedestrian crosswalk.

Once we arrived, I got from behind the driver's seat and told her we should switch places. She was so scared and we sat and talked for a moment and I told her that just because it's a parking lot doesn't mean that she can be wild everywhere and that she has to remember she is in practice in order to get out on the highway. I told her that the vehicle is not a toy and that once she is on the real road, she is putting everybody lives in danger if she don't pay attention to what she is doing. I asked if she was scared, she said she was. We waited. I told her to gain composure and then to put the car in drive. Bless her little heart, she put the car in drive but would not take her foot off that brake for nothing. I calmly told her that she can't ride the brake and that she need to give it just a smidgen of gas. And when she did, it's like my truck went from zero to 50 in a matter of seconds.  That shook her up and she said she didn't want to drive anymore. I told her that she can't give up and then I went into the mama speech.

I told her how the choir at church sounds so lovely on Sunday morning, they had to practice first. I told her of people knowing how to type, they had to practice first. I mentioned how babies start walking, they hold on to a chair or a table or something, and just get back up and keep trying and I just kept going through scenarios about that. I told her that driving is the same way. When my maternal grandmother was living, she would tell my uncle that when he was pretending to be a preacher that he needed to get on the rooftop to practice but when he get in the pulpit, ain't no time for practicing and playing, it's time to be for real. Well he is a preacher today. Our daughter said that she understood but asked if she took her foot off the brake, can she go at two miles per hour. We followed the rules of the road in the parking lot. When we came to a stop sign, she had to stop and use her turn signals. And we did that for about an hour and a half. By the end of our driving session, she was up to five miles per hour and she said that it still scared her.

I told her to just remember to keep practicing and she'll be doing it in no time. She can learn how to drive, but I just refuse to be carless. My sister asked me what if our daughter need to go somewhere. My reply was that we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, but for now, that bridge is still being built and we still made it home before 11:00.

Lovingly yours,

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Let's not talk about sex

For the past 12 weeks, I've been the facilitator of this bible study class for 11 and 12 year olds on Wednesday nights. Last night was the funniest class of all, mainly because the topic was Sexual Temptations. The class thought that I would be talking about penis and vagina and humping and bumping and as Marvin Gaye would say, "Let's get it on." Well they were in for a real shocker because what we talked about was how God made one man to be with one woman. I told them how God did not make Adam to be with Steve nor for Eve to be with Eva.

The laughs filled the room and their eyes grew bigger with excitement as we talked about how Potiphar's wife tried to seduce Joseph but Joseph fled and ran away. My class got more inquisitive when Potiphar's wife tore off Joseph's shirt and said that he slept with her, when really he did not. We talked of how Joseph was jailed for something he didn't even do. And out of all the weeks, we've studied out of the Bible, the class wants to know where they can go and read it themselves. Genesis 39

I saw their hands writing, because they wanted to go and read it for themselves. When I was almost done with this one hour lesson, one of the students said, "So, when do we talk about the dirty stuff?" I told them that Genesis 39 is about as dirty as they are gonna get it tonight. We talked about how shacking and fooling around was not in God's plan and that is why he created marriage and I told them that sex is not dirty because God created it to be enjoyed by married people. They said, "Ooooooo, she said the 'S' word. So I asked them how in the world they wanna hear about sex, but don't want the word sex mentioned. They didn't have an answer, except for giggles. I don't know how I get talked into doing these type of classes.

Lovingly yours,