Do you have an aunt named Flo?

I just couldn't resist blogging about the infamous Aunt Flo. This woman is crazy and out of his mind. There is no doubt about it that she is gonna catch a flight and come to our house, not once but twice trying to get me and my daughter to give in to her. The thing is when she comes to visit me, I never know when she will show up even though I know she's coming. This crazy heifer just pops up at no given time, no notice or nothing. Most people will get cramps and can probably count down the days until their next visit. Me? Nada. Not that I'm complaining either. Aunt Flo just buys a ticket and hops on whatever it is that is traveling my way and say, "Surprise!" Sometimes she may come by train, plane or automobile. I think she just tell her friends that she don't care how she gets here, she will get here when she can.

I don't cramp and it's not the usual visit either. Aunt Flo may come in 40 days, 53 days, even 60 days. Heck, forget every 21 to 28 days with me. Not only does she show up semi-unexpected, I'm thinking why take this long trip just to hang around for 1 and half days, maybe 2, but nothing more than 2 days. (Stop hating me, I didn't create me) I do believe that there should be a period day from work (with pay) once a month for women who do cramp.  Even though I do hate to see my daughter cramped up, I'd rather see period and pads than pregnancy and pampers. Who do I need to see to get this petitioned and made into a law?

Lovingly yours,

The devil rides a bike

I don't know why it is hard for some people to admit that they think or do things that are not of Christ. I mean, true, we do strive to be Christ-like but yet we are human and sometimes that flesh comes out or want to come out and before you know it, we've done something or thought something that was way out in left field. Let me just say for the record, if you ever see me doing anything and the first thing that comes out of your mouth is, "Girl, I never thought you would have....." Well a word to the wise, "Don't think." I got one judge, and one jury.

With all that being said, the family and I had just gotten out of church and driving home talking about what a wonderful service it was. I mean, fresh out of church at that when the devil approached us riding a bike. I didn't see why this man riding this bike could not be up on the sidewalk, but nooooo, he had to be on the street. Not only was he on the street, he has a bike lane he is suppose to be in. Well, he staggered away off the bike lane into the street as we were driving so hubby blew his horn at him. The traffic light turned red as we approached it and the bike rider had caught up with us.

The next thing I knew, this insane maniac was tapping on our window on the passenger side where I was sittinig. I glanced over first to see if this was a person in a cops uniform and it was not so I didn't let down my window. I just looked straight ahead as if I didn't even see him. When he saw I wasn't going to let down my window, he then yells, "DON'T YOU BLOW AT ME." This is where the devil and Madea almost collided with each other. The human part inside me almost let down my window and say, "Punk if your tail ride on the sidewalk or in your little bike lane, then we wouldn't have to blow at you, you idiot." At that moment, I thought of this fool might spit in my window or he may be glocking. I wouldn't want to go to jail for beating someone with my husband's cane, especially not after the message that was just brought in church. Help me Lord!! Help me right now!!

As the light turned green, the mini-devil in my back seat in the form of a 14 year old son says, "Dad, blow at him again and lets see what happens." I looked over at hubby and said, "Don't do it, somebody has to be the bigger person here." I knew hubby wanted to do it so bad. I could smell it. He then said, "Ooooo, if you weren't in this car......him tapping my window........" I said, "Let it go hun, just let it go. The devil wants you to get all upset after getting out of church and he gonna be somewhere in a corner laughing at me and you both." Hubby smiled and we went on home and enjoyed the rest of the day.

Lovingly yours,

Am I sexy or what?

According to hubby, it would be...or what....see ya'll, I had these pair of jeans on that made me look really sexy in them. I turned to the left and all I saw was sexy. I turned to the right and again, sexy hit me in the face. So I went on about my day going to work and then school afterwards. I felt like when Klymaxx sang, "The men all pause." I didn't know if this was a right feeling to have being married and all, but by golly, them jeans not only made me look gorgeous, they made me look GO-JHUS!

After I came home from a long day, I headed to the bathroom to get a bath, but before that, I walked back in the living room where hubby sat and I said, "I just had to come through here since you haven't seen me all day and I wanted to know what you thought of me in these jeans." On any typical day, I don't ask nobody how I look in clothes. Hubby looked at me and said, "They look aight." Maybe I had said it wrong. I mean, I didn't really want him to throw a comment, I wanted him to see what I saw so I said, "No, hubby dear, I just wanted you to see the sexiness here since you haven't seen me all day." He said ohhhhhhhh!!!

So I walked down the hall with a little twist to my voluptious hips and he gave a whistle. I went back in the room to check out myself one last time before I took them off. I have other jeans, but these pair was like the creme' da la creme'. To my plus size ladies, be confident and get yourself some sexy jeans if you don't already have them and walk it, work it, and of course love it. As my good friend, Luv says, You gotta love you cause I sure do.

Lovingly yours,

Too funny for words

I hardly ever answer the phone when all the peeps are here. I usually let the teenagers do their thing and run for the phone or let hubby pick it up. Well, since everyone was sleep except me when this phone call came through, I jumped to answer it only so it would not wake up the crew. The voice on the other end was my neighbor calling for hubby, but since he thought I was one of the kids, this is what happened.
Caller: Hey, is your dad up?  Now I really wanted to be really funny but I knew he wouldn't have a clue as to what I was talking about. Since my dad lives in MS, I should have said that I didn't know if he was up or not and that I'd get back to him later when I found out, but I didn't because.....well, I just didn't.
So I said no he is not up and the neighbor said well tell your dad I called.

So a few short minutes later, hubby was awake and asked who was it that called. I told him the neighbor wanted him to call back, and I told him how funny it was that he thought I was one of the teenagers. Hubby said, "You could pass for one." Ok, I'm thinking now he should really go back to sleep cause he dreaming and all I could think to say was, "Liar, Liar, pants on fire." LOL

Lovingly yours,

Fairness is not equal opportunity

Hubby and I do allow the children certain privileges and one is talking on the phone. I mean, seriously, I don't HAVE to let them if I didn't want them too. So they have to understand it's a privilege and not a must. I'm required to clothe, feed, and put a roof over their head. So with that being said, the rule in OUR HOUSE is that they have to be off the phone by 10:00 p.m. Some parents would say that's too long, some would say it's not long enough. Once again, that's the rule in OUR HOUSE. Our 17 year old daughter was on the phone one night and the time had starting creeping up towards 10:00 and I see where she is not making any effort in trying to cut this phone call short. All I hear is "girl yeah, I know right!" I look up at the clock and kindly clear my throat to get her attention and then I point to the clock. Why then would she tell the person on the phone to hold on!

She said, "Mom, can I please stay on until 10:30?" Don't get me wrong, just because people say please doesn't mean the answer is always yes, so I told her no and that she is about a minute away from getting off the phone. She tells the girl on the phone she had to go but when she got off, she wanted to know if the rules can be broken in the summer and for her to stay on the phone until 11:00. What did summer have to do with it? Off the phone by 10:00 in the hot, in the cold, in a hurricane, in a twister, in a whirlwind, in a blizzard, in the spring, in the rain means off the phone by 10:00.

Well hubby was on the phone another night and 17 year old comes to me and asks, "If I have to be off the phone, doesn't he have to be off the phone?" I told her to listen while I explain a few things. I told her that me and hubby are adults (I should have said grown), and this is our house and we can do whatever the heck we want to do in our house and that we pay bills in our house and we don't have to answer to children in our house. I also said that when she gets out, she can do whatever the heck it is she wants to in her house, until then, you're stuck doing it the way I say it should be done.  She said, "Well duh, that's not fair." I said, "Deal with it" as I walked towards my bedroom and had a wonderful nights sleep.

Lovingly yours,

A real life scary movie

I love to sit and watch a good scary movie; one that will have me on the edge of my seat from beginning to end. I've even watched a so-called scary movie and was like, "Where does it get scary?" Well let me tell you about my somewhat scary experience. I am still taking classes at night and last night after class was over, I had to pee so bad that I just couldn't wait until I got home. Normally, even after class, someone is lingering around to talk to our professor about this or that, so off to the restroom I go. I got in the bathroom and started jumping around because I couldn't get my pants off fast enough. I mean I could have just let pee run all down my leg and then get in my car smelling like urine. But that wasn't me. I had my bookbag in my hand and I just dropped everything to the floor of the stall I was in.

I got ready to wash my hands and I could hear something that sounded like a "clank, clank". I looked around to see where I could hide. There was no where to crawl under or on top of so I thought I better get out of this restroom. As I pulled down a napkin to wipe the water from my hands, I didn't bother putting the napkin in the trash, I just grabbed my stuff off the floor as fast as I could and got the heck out of dodge. But holy smoker roo, when I got to the door to the hallway, it was jet black. What the ham and cheese!!! So I've heard the phrase when in Rome, do as the Romans do. So if this was a real life scary movie for me, I did as they would do and yelled out, "HELLLLOOOO" I thought I would stay up against the wall and find the emergency exit light. Right then I heard a voice that said hello back. I thought, "If this is hell, I don't want to be here."

I yelled out again maybe I could follow the voice where I heard it from. I said, "HELLLOOOO, WHERE ARE YOU?" The voice said, "I'm over here." I mean, come on seriously...saying I'm over here does not justify nothing in the dark. So I said, "Over here where?" For a minute I thought I was gonna see Ashton Kusher and tell me I'm being punked. I could hear footsteps and I yelled out, "Just turn the light on please." FINALLY, the lights come on. It was security. I breathed a sigh of relief. I said, "Geez, can't a girl go and pee before yall turn all the lights off." He chuckled and said he was sorry and that he didn't think to go in the bathroom and ask if anybody was in the building. He said he would do that the next time. Well he ain't gotta worry about me because guess what....there won't be a next time.

Lovingly yours,

Oh no to the po-po

I just absolutely hate it when a police gets behind me. I then start having feelings of paranormal activity. I know I haven't done anything wrong but why the heck he wants to ride my tail. I start thinking about everything that is suppose to be legit like my tag and hope that I haven't missed a birthday where I'm suppose to renew it. My license is legal...check, my tail light is not broken...check, my seatbelt is on...check. Am I speeding.....well, see what had happen was....

It just irks the 123's out of me why police think they are "above the law". When I see them putting on their lights just so they don't have to stop at a red light really makes my blood start boiling. Then we get on up the road and he hadn't gone anywhere or went right past me just so he can get to the McDonald's drive thru.

I would like to make a citizens arrest, whatever the heck that is. Do I just yell out of my window and say, "Hey cop, can you pull over?" I know we are to respect the law, but what about the law respecting the law? I should really have a bumper sticker that says, "Back off my bumper or my automatic rifle will go off." So when this cop gets behind me on my way to work, I really had this inclination to slam on brakes or go about 2 miles slower than the speed limit. I didn't do either, I just drove the way I normally do and then he jumped behind someone else to torture them. It's a good thing I had to turn right or I was about to pull out my imaginary bullhorn from under my seat. I guess it would be bad to say that Madea is my roll model when dealing with the po-po.

Lovingly yours,

Judge not, that includes me too

When I went to my night class, we were talking about how things are ethically and/or morally wrong. We talked about doing unto others as you would have them do unto you and even though this is something I've learned from the beginning of Sunday School, it was just as interesting the way my professor tried to teach it. We talked about the divineness of how God created happiness and that it is right because God created it and so forth and so on. One lady instantly put her hand up and she said that she is a third generation atheist and just totally disagrees with the text. Even though the professor said that it's ok to disagree with it and that we still have to learn it, I couldn't help but to stare at this lady.

I don't mean to come off as rude to anyone who is reading this and if your beliefs are the same as hers, but I kept staring at this lady because I've heard of people not believing in God but I've never seen one in real life, as if I'm talking like I have just seen an alien come down from their spaceship and landed here in the great ole USA. We've told our children not to stare at people because it was rude and I, yes I, all human and all, found myself with my eyes glued on her. She was a real person. I was truly speechless, but why?

I just couldn't fathom someone sitting next to me breathing and living with a heartbeat who didn't believe in the existence of God. As her eyes blinked, I said to myself, "That's God." As she sat and rocked her foot back and forth, I once again said to myself, "that's God." I found little things to look at and I couldn't think of no one else to give that honor to, but God. Then of all people I could think of, I thought of LaVender Williams of Momsweb when she always has these "Life Lessons for LaVender", so there in that classroom, I had a life lesson for Barbara. I thought what if someone was judging me because I was a plus size woman and not a size 14. What if my professor judged me on the color of my skin and said, "No blacks allowed." I also thought what if someone judged me because I did love and believe in Christ and they wanted to stone me like they did Stephen. I immediately asked for forgiveness and continued on with my classwork.

Judge not, lest you be judged.

Lovingly yours,

Picking up smiles where I last left them

As I mentioned in my last blog, my parents and my nieces and one of my nephews were here visiting us. The youngest niece, who is now 4 but will be five in exactly two weeks walked around here acting like she was a baby. When we asked her a question, she would shake her head either yes or no and pretended she was afraid. I had an idea. I decided to play a little game with her to see how she would respond. Even though I knew her age, I asked her how old was she in order to see how she would answer. When she held up 4 fingers, I knew I had to put my plan into work. I then said, "Oh my, babies hold up fingers, but big girls who are about to be five would say they are five." I waited to see what would be the response and then my niece said, "I'm a big girl and I am going to be five." I said, "I don't know, only babies shake their heads and don't talk." She said, "I can talk because I'm going to be five." I then said, "I still don't know, if  babies are here, then they need to go away and make room for all big kids." My niece then went over to the trash as if she was throwing something away and came back smiling and said with a loud voice, "Aunt Barbara, I threw the baby in the trash and the big kid is all here." I gave her a high five and then moved on to plan nunber two.

I then asked my almost five year old big kid niece if she knew her ABC's and numbers and she said yes. I asked her if she could read and she said that she could not. I took out a piece of paper and wrote the word "THE" on the paper. I sounded the T and the H sound out for her and then spelled it and then said the word. I asked her if she could do it, she said yes because she was a big kid. So I told her to go in the room and practice it and then come back when I called her to see if she could read it. I let a few minutes pass and then I called her back in the room and sure enough, she was anxious to tell me what the word said. At first she spelled it out and then proceeded to pronounce it and at first she kept wanted to say "theef" and each time I would correct her and say "the" not "theef". She said she was going back in the room to practice it and when she came back out, she spelled it out again and sounded the word out and when she got it right, she jumped up and down saying she could read. Keep in mind, this is the same person who pretended to be afraid.

So we had to go to the store and my niece would not put that paper down, she practiced it in the store and then back home and when we got back home, she said that she knew her word and I asked her what was it and she pronounced it right. High fives and smiles were everywhere. So on the next day, I decided to take it up one notch. I took a bigger sheet of paper and wrote: "The cat ran." The older sistes kept saying she will not be able to do it. I told them they had to be patient with her and she will get it. So my 4 year old niece and I sat down and we went over each letter, then sounded out each word and each time she would say the word, she pointed to it and waited for my approval that she was right. So she wanted to sleep with her new paper and when she woke up the following morning, she could hardly wait to get to her new words. She called my name and said she was ready to read to me and I sat as she pulled out her paper that I had written on.  She started out sounding out the T and she finally read "The cat ran." If you could have been here to see the smile on her face, it would have probably brought tears to your eyes.

The night before it was time for them to leave and go back to MS, my mom was packing up their things to make sure they had everything and she told my mom that she could not forget her paper, so my mom put it on top of the refrigerator so it would not be forgotten. When everybody got up to get breakfast and then get on the highway, my niece made sure my mother had her paper and she asked me if I wanted her to read it to me before she left. I insisted she read it. I told her that I will call her on tomorrow to see if she can still read it and ask if she would like that. She shook her head yes and I said, "Well I guess the baby is back then." She said, "oh no, the baby is not back, I'm a big kid and I can read too."

Lovingly yours,

Family, Fun, Friends, Food

The family and I spent this past weekend in Kosciusko, MS to visit my bestest friend in the whole world. She and I have been friends for 25 years and have gone through thick and thin. We had been planning since January of this year to take that five and half hour drive up there to see her and her family. I asked her what did we need to bring and she said nothing. She just wanted us to come and enjoy. They didn't believe we were really coming but when I texted her and told her the hotel number, she couldn't sit still. She kept texting me like every few minutes saying when she would get off work and when she wanted us to come by the house, and so forth and so on. That friday night after she got off work, we went over and hung around the house and laughed and talked while her hubby fried fish and she fixed a salad.

On Saturday, her hubby grilled and it was so hot outside but we really appreciated his efforts in helping us enjoy ourselves. I asked if I could help but she didn't want me to lend a hand. I went to church with them on Sunday and then Monday it was time to head back to FL. Well I knew I was going to be able to rest, because Tuesday, my parents, my three nieces and one of nephews came to visit from another part of MS. (I knew they were coming). My mom said that since my youngest sister never takes the kids anywhere that she would bring them over to FL just so they can get away for a few days. That was nice of my mom to do that. And whenever my mom is in town, there is always going to be plenty of food around.

Enjoy life and be good to each other because you never know when it may be your last time seeing them. Family, friends and life....PRICELESS.

Lovingly yours,

A changing experience

When our car was out AGAIN this past time, hubby had to take me back and forth to work. I knew I would be stuck on campus all day until he returned to pick me up, so with me not having a car, I figured I would take some lunch with me since I had no way of going to go and get something on break. I had this huge 5 gallon bucket bottle of water with me and a sandwich. I thought I was set. I knew class would be from 9 in the morning until 5 in the evening and something told me that this would definitely last.

Well when we got a break around 12:00, I was so hungry that I thought I was going to eat the table legs. I just couldn't take it anymore and so I ate my sandwich and sipped on water until I felt a sense of satisfaction. I don't know what satisfaction I was feeling, but I could still feel the grumbling in my tummy. I had my purse and my bookbag on my arm and I looked inside hoping I would find some kind of change inside to go into the vending machine. One dime, then three dimes. I felt that I was on a roll. I sat the bookbag down and started taking my books out of it in hopes that I would roll up on some kind of change. I did the same procedure with my purse. I dug all the way to the bottom only to find lint and old receipts.

I kept looking at the vending machine in hopes that somebody, anybody, would have left some change in the little thing where change is return. I stick my finger in there and Holy Cow, I found two dimes in there. I kept digging in my bookbag and found a few more dimes. I was all the way up to 80 cents. I was so happy. I looked at the vending machine and I see all this stuff cost one dollar and up and then finally, a miracle happened, I saw a twix bar that was exactly 80 cents. I hurriedly put my new found dimes in this machine and was hoping and yes praying that my candy bar doesn't get stuck, and then I heard it...PLOP.... now that was a great sound to my ears.

Lovingly yours,