The "F" words

This isn't even what you think it will be. Not even close. What I am talking about is Family, Food and a Funeral. Ok, so we went to Picayune, MS to attend my sister-in-law funeral. Is it ok to say it was a nice funeral? Or is that like an oxymoron? Anyway, it was nice. It took us three hours to drive there but on the way there, hubby wanted to listen to his jazz cd so I thought I could make that happen. I had to first eject one of my cd's out of the cd changer for his to go in; but when I went to eject cd#6, the darn thing got stuck and didn't want to come out. So I trying to fidget with it and at the same time, hubby tries to lean over and get it out. I tell him to just focus on driving and I got this. He's yapping about why is it stuck, why won't it come out, has it ever done this before and all I can say is: "SHUT UP AND DRIVE!!!"

So ok we get to MS and everyone is waiting at my husband's niece house for the family car....everyone is not there yet. Why do we have to go through this? Folks know to be there but just dragging and dragging. OMG...get a move on!! Family....you gotta love 'em.

After the funeral, we are in line at the fellowship hall. A sista is hungry like crazy. I look at the food and say to my daughter, "Looks like we gonna be going to Burger King." I mean we were like number 15 in line and there was a smidgen of this, and a hocus pocus bowl full of that...and I was hungry for real. Next time we get on the road, somebody please remind me to take a few snacks in my purse. I did get the CD out while everyone was at the grave site. Whew!! Cause I know I wouldn't have heard the end of that.

Lovingly yours,

Ok, now what?

Amazing. It's 3:00 a.m in the dog-gone morning and it's so odd that I am fully awake. I am just lying here in bed thinking about stuff I shoulda, coulda, woulda. The kids made it home safely from the fair, hubby is next to me sounding like a bear just chased him around a building and then up a tree and me, just here doing nothing. There should be some type of law for people such as myself who are up at 3 something on a Saturday morning. Am I insane? No way am I claiming that. A ham sandwich sounds nice right about now. Why don't I see anyone on messenger of all nights, I meant of all mornings. YAWN!!! Well I will try to close my eyes because daylight will be peeping through pretty soon. Anybody wanna share a bag of popcorn with me with white cheddar??? I really do believe without a shadow of a doubt that hubby has captured the bear and riding him like a horse. The bear doesn't have a chance anymore.

Two teenagers gone...is this reality?

I can hardly believe it. Hubby and I will have both kids out the house tonight, or will we? They are suppose to go to the fair with friends and I just hope they get gone. Ain't no telling what me and hubby will do with the house to ourselves for a few hours. Heck, he might have himself a stripper tonight with heels. Nahhhh...maybe we can make a few prank calls; you know the thing you used to do when you were teenagers BEFORE there was caller ID...Nahhhh. I think we will just settle for a nice movie without any interruptions. Yeah, that does sound nice....but the PERFECT night would be if hubby found somewhere to go and left me alone so I could turn all the lights off, position myself on the couch and watch the movie alone. But since I'm stuck with him, I guess he can stay.

Lovingly yours,

It's all in a name

How in the world did our ancestors get the word period out of menstruation? I mean, I've learned in school that we stop at a period, so why isn't this not applied in life? Why isn't it called comma or semi-colon, since we pause at a certain point in life. I could say, "Girl, yeah I'm on my comma today."

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Are there one fish, then two fish? Are is it two fishes? Doesn't it seem strange that cactus is singular but cacti is plural? I think it should be two cactuses because cacti really sounds like some kind of disease.

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Can somebody, anybody around the world tell me what the heck is gout?

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Who is they? Or should I say, Who are they? I hear it all the time. "They said this, they said that." I just need to know who they are so I can punch them in the lip sometime.

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Who names their precious baby Dick? Is that short for something? I can understand getting Tom out of Thomas, Bill out of William, Dan out of Daniel, Rob out of Robert...but Dick???

Ok I'm done here.

Lovingly yours,

Bad planning on your part

With my department being the largest one on campus, it's bound that both copiers we have will somewhat be busy more times than others. With that being said, one of my instructors has an 8:00 a.m. class and comes in to run copies.......check this out.....at 7:52 in the dog gone morning.

I just looked at him like this when he screams out my name and says that the copier has a jam.

So I'm saying to myself, "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." I am not about to hurry up and stop doing what I'm doing to take care of a copier situation.

First, the bad planning on his part meant that his stuff wasn't gonna be ready in no 8 freaking minutes.....Second, that is why we have an assistant to make copies for them in advance but this is only effective if they leave what they need copied like two days in advance and my assistant can put it in their mailboxes.....Third, he knew last week that he needed these copies for today, so why wait until the last minute.

He then looks at me with this pathetic look and says, "Oh I have to get to class." Ya'll know I almost made his suffer.....but the kindness in me said, "Leave me your stuff and I'll bring it to your classroom".....AND I had to add a BUT in there......"but don't make this no habit." I finished up his copying and took it to his classroom. He let out a sigh of relief with a great THANK YOU! I said, "Maybe you want to get here earlier or copy your stuff in advance." He said he would keep that in mind. The next time, I may not be as nice. I could be having a bad hair day or something.

Lovingly yours,

Update

Well, it's official. It's been 6 months since hubby had quadruple open heart surgery. He is doing good. You wouldn't know this man had surgery unless you were superman and tore off his shirt to see his scar.

Lovingly yours,

The perfect woman, not hardly

We as women do endure alot of things. Some are crappy and some are not. We tend to be the ones who take things that no man could even fathom. When a family decides that they want a baby, we women have that responsibility of caring, nurturing and tending to that baby. The man plays his part but not like we play the part. We pop out babies and the hospital releases us within a day. We are expected to get up in the middle of the night while Mr. Man sleeps his life away all because he has a job to go to. Please. I get up in the middle of the night now when my teenagers start coughing and yet still have a job to go to. We lose blood like it's some kind of sport. Women are team players. We don't think of ourselves until the very end. It's always someone else we think of first.

When we get ready to leave the house, we tend to brush our hair, throw on a little lip gloss, check ourselves just one time in the mirror while our man has gotten up, scratched his balls, and just threw on anything. I bet that if we were walking down the street and broke a heel, we would probably break the other one because we can't second guess ourselves. We would make it look good and besides we ain't got that kind of time to be sitting talking about how much money we spent on them shoes. We make due with what we have because women, especially women with children, know how to improvise. We know how to stretch a dollar even in a recession. We know how to make love to our man that will make him wonder if we are freaks or just being freaky.

But after all is said and done, we hurt too. We want a shoulder to cry on instead of being the shoulder to get cried on. We sometimes don't want to be around our own children at times. My name is not _______ wife. There are days I want to scream and just go on a secluded vacation and do nothing but then this scripture comes to mind: Proverbs 31:28 -Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. We may not be perfect, not even close, but at least we woman strive to be the best that we can be.

Lovingly yours,

Roses really smell like poo poo

If you've ever heard that song "Roses really smell like poo poo" from Outkast - then you will know what I'm talking about. I'm getting ahead of myself here. I was sitting at my desk minding my own business as I do everyday. Some times I can tell by the way a person is walking down the hall, without even seeing them, to know who is walking. Sounds strange, but some of the people I work with have heavy feet, some of them drag their feet and some of them....well I can't tell who the heck is coming. Well one guy was coming down the hall and I couldn't tell from his footsteps who it was but all I know is that he was speed walking.

He had to hurry up and get to the bathroom. I didn't know what he had to do. I didn't care. All I know is that from the sound of his walking, he couldn't get there fast enough. He hurriedly got in the bathroom and I so declare I heard a sigh of relief. Ok that was TMI...my little ears are prone to some stuff. The toilet flushes....wait, it flushes again. In my mind I'm silently saying a selfish prayer, "Please let him wash his hands and please don't let him come into my office and say hello." That poo poo smell sometimes tend to linger on ya and you have to walk it off for a hot minute. I sat at my desk and my heart was going "THUMP, THUMP, THUMP" in fear that he would come in and then I would have to spray my air freshener afterwards.

The door opened from the bathroom, and before he walked out, he let out a WHEW....Ok, in my mind I said UGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Thankfully he passed by my office and gave me the nod hello. I nodded back. He had a new walk and his step was a whole lot lighter.

Lovingly yours,

A snacker in a recession

What the heck is going on around here at work! Let me paint the scenario for you. One lounge, one refrigerator. Some of us may go and get some lunch to have for another day, so we put it in the freezer and note this: WITH OUR NAMES ON IT IN BIG BLACK LETTERS. And some person has the audacity to go in and just steal our food.

So one day, there was a great special on some crabs across the street and I went to get some on my lunch break. I thought I would just put them in the freezer until it was time for me to go home. When 4:00 p.m. came, my food said, "FIND ME.". I just knew I was being punked and somebody was gonna jump from behind the door and say, "girl I'm just messing with ya, here's your crabs." I think I would have even preferred being punked. And it's not just me, there have been others.

Just ask me for it, instead of taking it and then not admitting it and then walking around like they know nothing. Soooooooo, one of the co-workers who was just entirely fed up with whoever has been doing all the stealing made some brownies and he put ex-lax in the brownies and put them in the fridge with his name on it. (I personally couldn't have gone to that extreme) Sure enough, the one who made the brownies, comes into the office and said, "GUESS WHAT!!" I said, "I bet someone got your brownies" He said yeah. I probably shouldn't have but I laughed so hard. I haven't put anything else in there since my crabs were stolen. We need to find a way to put a hidden camera in there. Any other suggestions?

Lovingly yours,

Even when no one knows

This past Saturday, my 13 year old son and his football team players, had to do a can shake outside of Wal-Mart to help raise money for their team. One of my co-workers knew about it but said that she wouldn't be able to go by and support the team; so she gave me a bag full of coins to drop in their can and I said that I would. The plan was for me to drop son off, then swing back around and walk in and put the money in the can. Before all of that, I showed son all the change that would be dropped in his can and that he should thank my co-worker for graciously supplying an adequate amount of change.

Well son saw the change and said, "WOW, we should just keep it for ourselves." I told him that we were not going to do that and that it was going to be dropped in the can. He said that no one would know. I tried to explain to him that God knows everything and that even if no one sees you, God sees. I told him that the change was meant for him and his team and that is what it is going for. I told him how God likes things to be done decent and in order and we went on and on about this and that. I told him that even if we needed it for something, I would ask for it instead of just keeping it for myself.

When I went to drop him off at Wal-Mart, I then parked the car and my daughter and I walked up to the door and poured all the change out of the bag. The other kids standing at the door was like, "WOW" and then son looked up and said, "Thanks Mom." I didn't know if he meant for the change itself or the lesson. It was a very deserving "You're welcome" and I then went on my way.

Lovingly yours,

Just a few reasons why I need to go to work

Not to mention to get a paycheck from my job, but just to pay for stuff I either need or want is more than enough for me to go to work. I look forward to payday because I know that there are things that we need to take care of around the house. I don't know about you, but I love my ac in the summer and I love the heat when it does get cold around here.

As I was coming from lunch yesterday, my battery light comes on and then the car was hesitant about wanting to crank back up. I called my hubby and told him this just in case I was on my way home and the car stopped, that he would know my battery was going dead. He said to just go by Advance Auto to have it checked to see if I needed a battery. Sure enough I did so hubby said we needed to get a battery. I was thinking, what if I didn't have money to get a battery. Who would lend me money? Now that question sparks an interesting topic because I don't borrow money from nobody. Is it my pride? Could be. But I be thinking that just like we need our money, everybody else needs their money too.

I mean, once the check rolls in, we have it budgeted to what we need to pay. It is being stretched far and in between. But when something like a battery goes out, and we didn't plan for that...where then does the money come from? Heck if I know but I do know that God always makes a way. I told hubby that I need a second job. He said that I didn't and that we are doing fine just the way we are. But I can be thankful that I do have a job to go.

Lovingly yours,

From days of old

As children grow, they tend to have different personalities. Today, they are moody. Tomorrow, they don't know why the caged bird sings. But when they step into that teenage world, oh my gosh, they are all half crazy majority of the time. When hubby is talking to our 16 and 13 year old teenagers, he likes to refer to "when he was a boy". Not that anything is wrong with that, but some of that stuff just doesn't apply to today's society.

Hubby: "When I was a boy, I walked 15 miles one way and 15 miles back."
Newsline: Teenager pulled in van, raped.

Hubby: "When I was a boy, I walked through a dark wooded area."
Newsline: Teenager pulled in van, raped.

Hubby: "When I was a boy, I went fishing while my mom was at work."
Newsline: Teenager drowns while fishing.

When today's children grow up, they can say, "when I was a child, my parents drugged me to church, and beat the crap out of me, but are we teaching them the true values in life? Love each other, respect one another. What happened to the days when children had to say yes ma'am, no ma'am. Things change because it's a sign of the times but some things never change. Charity begins at home and it will still linger on from those days of old.

Lovingly yours,

Do yall hear that?

Shhhh....listen....hear anything? Hmmm, interesting. Well check this out. I went to the gym as usual when I take my son to football practice. I drop him off and go back and pick him up after I've put in some sweat time.

There I was on the ab machine, minding my own business, feeling good, doing sit ups...and I start counting...and I hear something that says....TOOT!!! What the sheezy!! Folks, gas passed....and it was ME!!

It wasn't loud or anything, it was just that...a TOOT...and it didn't stink....AND it was just unexpected. I sat up and I dare not look around...that's a sign of guilt, but I did contemplate on going in the bathroom to see if I needed to push anymore out....nothing came....so back to the ab machine I go.....and the crazy thing is...I didn't feel it coming or anything. Has it come down to this as we get older that we can just fart without us being aware?! Somebody need to tell me something.

Lovingly yours,

Is it that time....already?

I can hardly believe it. It is that time....already. My daughter, who is a junior came home with a packet of info to begin ordering her class ring. And then my son, who is in 8th grade, came home with info saying he should begin filling out his paperwork for high school. OH MY!!!! Time is flying.....VROOOMMMMM!!!!

My daughter is suppose to be going on a local college tour within the next week or so. I have been encouraging her to go. I told her that time waits on no one and the opportunity is here so she had better jump on that band wagon. The high school that my son wants to attend requires a different process than the normal high school so I told him if he wants to go, then we got to attend an orientation this Saturday at 9:00 in the morning. I asked my daughter if she was going to her junior prom, she said that she wanted to do everything next year when she's a senior. Me? I went to junior and senior prom.

Wow, two kids in high school at the same time. Am I ready for this? Well ready or not, here it comes.....sooner than we think.

Lovingly yours,

51 days until my birthday

I just had to post this. Ok, folks hear ye...hear ye....as of today, I have 51 days until my birthday. That would help to know for what happens next. Before the family and I went to church on last night, we had to go and get our 13 year old son a hair cut. That just seemed like the only day to do so with him having football practice every evening and then games on every Saturday. So hubby asked me to drop him off at the mall and to pick him up after the haircutting is done. I didn't have that idea in mind, because I thought hubby was gonna take him to get a hair cut and I could just sit in the car.

So I called hubby to let him know that I was done with son and that I was swinging back to pick him up and he said that he would be waiting outside. When I got to the mall, hubby has this bag in his hand, but I just knew he bought himself something...Yeah for him because he hardly ever thinks of himself first. So off to church we go, then home. Once we get home, hubby gets his bag out of the trunk and I was so excited to see what he got himself. But out of the bag comes this pink gift wrapped package and he hands it to me and I'm sitting there in shock like "uhhhhhhhhhh, what is this"

I was speechless beyond compare. If you would have been a fly on a wall, you probably would have seen spit drip from my mouth. I questioned, "For me?" He said yes. I was dumb-founded because I couldn't think of any special occasion that I had missed. Again I said, "For me?" But at the same time opening the gift and he says it's a very early birthday gift. He said that he knows my birthday is in November but he wanted to get me something right now. All I could say was thank you because I was so speechless that I didn't expect anything, at least not 51 days in advance. I gave him a kiss and I am still beaming. Of course the gift was perfume and a lotion set because he knows me so well and I did put some on before I got in the bed. So just in case you want to know so you can bake me a pound cake or throw cash and gift cards my way, my birthday is November 21.

Lovingly yours,