Eye Candy

I had this transition meeting to attend where I am going to be the new historian for the CAEOP (College Association of Educational Office Professionals) during the 2010-2011 fiscal year. I don't know what possessed me to say yes when I was asked to be on the Executive Board, not to mention trying to fit this into my already hectic "superwoman" schedule. One of the members handed me my binder full of information and then began to read off my duties were as the historian. As I sat there wanting her to say what she had to say so I could get back to my office and finish up some things, my eye starts twitching. I'm looking at her right in her eye as she is speaking and I'm hoping that the twitching stops because I'm blinking excessively trying to cover up the fact that my eye looks like I'm winking at this lady.

As she reads off a line or two saying what my responsibilites are, she asks if I had any questions. I replied that I do not and then my eye starts twitching again. So I'm sitting there listening to this dialogue and stupid stuff runs through my head.  I kept talking to my eye from my mind and said, "Look, you 20/20 visionary of an eyeball, if you don't stop twitching, I'm going to take you out and dip you in hot sauce then make you look at big bald guys who sit and there's nothing but crack there." My eye stopped twitching after that thought because I didn't want this lady to think my twitch was aimed at her. It wasn't and never will be that kind of party.

Lovingly yours,

A golden what????

As I was sitting in class this past weekend, our instructor was talking about signs of a serial killer from teenagers. Two of the signs were cruelty to animals and then bed-wetting. Before the instructor could finish his sermon   lecture, one of the much older ignorant  students raised her hand and said she had a question. The instructor gave her permission to speak and as she began to open her mouth, these are the words that flowed out: "I don't mean to offend anyone, but Professor, could you tell me if that's the same thing as a golden shower, you know like when somebody pees all over you." All I could do was put my head down on my desk and shake my head. The professor and the entire class was in a mode of silence and the professor said, "Now moving on to the next chapter." I agree with the professor.

Lovingly yours,

Who are they?

If anybody finds THEY, would you please tell THEM that THEY are wanted all across America. The students come in my office and when I ask if I can help them, the first words are: THEY sent me over here from Building 2. I said, "Who?" Reply: THEY....Me: "They who?" Reply: "I dunno."

I felt like janking one students chain when he came in with the same line and I said, "If you can't tell me who the heck they are, then you need to go back and tell them to give you a name." The student just looked at me like he wanted to break down and cry. So I said, "Look, just suck it up, you in college." Sounds mean, but I don't know how many times I hear that in a dog done day.  They said......, who gives a care what they said when I don't even know their names?

I will tell you who I think they are. THEY are the ones who can't find a job because THEY are always in somebody else's business. THEY are the ones who sit back and wait for you to fall just so THEY can go back and talk about you to THEIR friends. THEY are the ones who are always up do-do creek without any toilet paper.  THEY are the ones who want you to think they are going somewhere in life but is still sitting on the pot; either take a crap or get your tail up. THEY are the ones who talk a good talk, but ain't got balls enough to back it up. THEY are the ones who will cuss you out in a heartbeat but can't spell unemployment. THEY are the ones who will lie, cheat and even steal the draws off your behind. THEY are the ones who keep having babies after babies just because some guy said he love them.

The list could go on and on, but I don't deal with messy folk and I don't deal with them THEY people either. As Melanie Fiona sings, "give it to me right, or don't give it to me at all."

Lovingly yours,

Expired shelf life

Our 17 year old daughter wanted to pop some popcorn and I had told her that when she pops it, that I would just get some of hers. At the very same time, our 14 year old son came and sat next to me on the couch. He was all in my personal space and so I started smelling this awful smell. I know he just got out of the tub and even though he is 14, we still have to ask him if he put deodorant on every now and then. So this smell wavered across my nose and I asked him if he had passed gas and he said that he did not. I asked 17 year old what was that smell, and she said she didn't know. Oh my gosh, it smelled like a tainted kind of musty that I can't even begin to explain.

When the popcorn came out of the microwave, our daughter said that she thinks it was the popcorn that smelled that awful. I just could not imagine popcorn smelling like that. The smell lingered through the house and I told her to quickly get some air freshener and spray because the smell was torture. So she grabs a handful of popcorn and shove them in her mouth and our son grabs a few kernels, while I just took one. The next thing I know is that our son is over by the kitchen sink with his head under the faucet like he had been raised in the wild by Tarzan and Jane. I asked him what in the world he was doing. He said, "Mom, that popcorn has a funny taste to it." So as I'm finishing up my one kernel, I summoned someone to bring me some kool-aid fast, forget the water. I needed something with a little bit of flavor to get this awful taste out of my mouth.

I asked daughter to check the expiration date on this popcorn and you would not believe that it had 2000 on it. WHAT!!!! Ten year old popcorn!! What in the world!! I didn't expect that. I told her to throw that mess in the trash and then to take it outside to the big garbage. All we could do was laugh at each other. So please check the expiration date on those things you still have on the shelf that you think may still be good.

Lovingly yours,

All this for a library card?

I decided to go and get myself a library card. Yeah me! Yeah right. I had never thought of getting one because since we have a library on campus, I just usually use my ID and get books and such. Well I took the kids to the public library and while there, I saw a few music CD's that I wanted to listen to. I could have just asked the kids to check it for me, but I thought I'd just fill out a form and get a library card myself.  Welllllllll, I go up to the counter and tell the librarian that I would like to get a library card. She asked me to show her my driver license and I did. She then asked for something that I didn't expect. She asked if I had a piece of mail on me. I said, "Excuse me, ma'am but did you just ask for a piece of mail?" She said yes. I said, "Excuse me, ma'am, but do you really think people walk around with mail on them?" Even though she laughed, she did say that I needed something showing my address. I was like, um, didn't you just see my license.

I asked our son to go to the car just to see if there was something in the car that had our address on it. He left and the lady and I just stood there without any communication. Finally, I see our son come through the door with a piece of paper and I was in shock that he found something. Sure enough, it was my vehicle registration. I never would have thought I'd have mail in the car, but I did. The librarian finally made me a card and then I was able to check out my CD's. You would think I was being checked for the Secret Service, but despite all of that, I am now official.

Lovingly yours,

A weekend warrior

This past weekend was the first weekend class I have ever had and then the first time I had been to a university. It is nothing like Junior College at all. I thought I was going to swallow a bug because of how ginormous the campus is. I got to my class and the first thing I notice are the desks, which are still connected to the chair like in kindergarten or something. I looked at the chair, then looked at my behind. Something had to give and I knew my behind wasn't going anywhere no time soon. I looked around the room hoping to find a table with a chair (like we had in Junior College) and sure enough I found one. I was hoping no one was sitting there and so I hurried across the room and claimed that as my seat. It's not the best, but it was surely better than those desk/chairs.

So as class started, I was thinking that this can't be too bad. Well Friday night, it wasn't that bad. It's the Saturday and Sunday all day classes that nearly made me want to scream. Friday night was from 5:00 to 9:00 p.m., but the other two days: 9:00 in the dog gone morning until 5:00 in the dog gone evening. I kept saying that I could do this. One older lady is in my class and I so declare if this lady crackles that peanut bag one more time, I'm gonna lose my sanity and throw one of them desk/chairs at her. That probably would not be a good idea since this is a homicide class. Ok, delete that thought. I'm like why don't she just pour the peanuts in her hand and eat them instead of digging in this small bag and pulling them out one by one. There is also this guy in my class who looks like he could be Robert DeNiro's son and at any moment, I'm expecting him to say, "You talking to me?" Well I did survive it, so now I can say, "one weekend down, two more to go."

Lovingly yours,

A venting session

I mentioned to our 17 year old daughter that I might try and take her to this temporary staffing company to see if she could get a job. I know everybody does things differently when it comes to parenting so I never promise our children that I will do anything because they will hold you to that. I mainly tell them I will try to do this or that and that it is not set in stone. I also tell them that things don't always go according to the way we plan it. With that being said, I came in from work and told our daughter that something else had been added to the itinerary prior to me taking her down to the staffing company.

I needed to go and pick up my book for class so I told her that I don't know if I will make it to the place or not and that we could go next Friday. Getting my book was extremely important and yes it was a bigger priority than going to go and help her find a job. I could see if she was paying a mortgage or anything for that matter. So when I mentioned that to her, she decides she is not going to eat. Well hubby wanted to baby her and say, "come on and eat". Why? I don't know because we all have to face some kind of rejection in life and I told him that he is not helping by making it seem like I am the big bad wolf. When rejection comes, you have to know how to handle it and not just sit up and crawl in a corner.

So our daughter did just that. She went in her room and got in a corner and didn't talk like she had lost her best friend. I just let her be right in that corner because that is just part of life. Even when we go to the temporary staffing place on tomorrow, she is not guaranteed to get a job and when life throws you lemons, you just have to learn how to make some good sweet lemonade and not just be a sour puss. Keep in mind that I didn't say we were not going, I said I would try to go if time permits.

Life is an amazing thing. What you put into it is basically what you get out of it. We as parents can't always go around pacifying our children for every little boo boo. There comes a time when you have to let go. When the Bible speaks of training up a child in the way he should go, that doesn't mean that we are going to be perfect at what we do, that just means that we are trying to do it in a Godly and respectable way. Your parenting is not going to be the same as my parenting but that doesn't mean my way or your way is the right or wrong way. It's just the best way. We don't put our children out there at 18 and say, "Here, go and learn your ABC's", we train them up as a toddler teaching them how to say their alphabet, learning how to speak, learning how to sit still, etc.

It's the same way as weaning our children off the breast or the bottle. Then after that, they learn how to sleep in a big bed, then learn how to be potty trained and then off to their first day of school. They learn it as they grow and we as parents want to be able to protect our children from every thing but we can't. As they get older, they learn more and more and they also learn rejection as well when we enter into the grocery store and they see that piece of candy that caught their eye and the first thing we say is, "NO!" Our job is to nurture, love and care for our children, not to be their umbrella for life. We have to let them fall, and let them learn how to get back up and dust themselves off. If you have a child who has moved out and they find they have spent all their money but then they knew their mortgage was due and come running to you, what do you do? Do you pay the mortgage for them or let them learn their own lesson and learn how to prioritize?

I hear so many children talking about, "I wish I was grown." That's merely talk. They think once they hit being grown, that all the problems will go away and that they will have everything they want, they will be able to go anywhere they want to, and everything will be accessible to them just because of who they are. Hello.... Reality Check....Well that reminds me of Simba in The Lion King. When he was a cub, he played and laughed and didn't have one single worry, but oh when he became King, he had to deal with real jungle problems and issues. Life was a different ballgame and he had many decisions to make, some were right, some were wrong, but in the end, he finally got at least some of it right.

So with all that being said and a little bit of stuff off my chest, when things can't go your way and you want to crawl up in a corner because you really don't have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of, just put your big girl panties on and deal with it.

Lovingly yours,

Do I really have to have a reason?

Here is the question. If someone asked you a "yes" or "no" question, would it really matter why you answered the way you did? It shouldn't matter because the question can be answered yes or no. The problem is that the person that is asking the question really wants you to answer in the way they want you to answer. Here's the scenario: Someone asked me if I wanted to have lunch with them. I answered no and then they asked why not....what if I had've answered yes, then they would have said, "well ok let's go." When I answered no, could it not have been ok as well?

Do I really have to have a reason and couldn't, "I just didn't want to go" suffice for an answer? I guess not. Now I have to think of 50 million reasons why I don't want to have lunch with a co-worker. Some things require a reason like if your child gets put in time out in daycare and you want to know what happened so that it could be corrected but then there are other things that don't require a reason. From the words of my mother and probably many other mothers out there, "Because I said so, end of discussion."

Lovingly yours,

Breaking all the rules

Our 14 year old son played in a basketball game with the church and I specifically told him when we were in the car that when his game was done that we would be leaving. He and the youth church members played a really good game and he came in the bleachers where I sat and wanted to know if he could stay and watch the adults play. Why in the world would he come and ack that when I specifically told him we would be leaving. The answer was no he could not stay. He asked again and said well what if someone brought him home. I looked at him and said, "Son, no one is going to bring you home, you are leaving with me, do I make myself clear?" He said yes ma'am. His face went down into his shirt but I had already told him we were leaving because I had something else to do.

Much later in the evening, our 17 year old daughter got a phone call from one of her friends. They have to cut the phone calls off at 10:00 p.m. so at 9:58, I see that she is still on the phone. When I told her that she need to tell her friend that it's time to get off the phone, our daughter tells the friend to hold on. I was in the kitchen putting away some things and our daughter said, "Mom, I figured since I was getting older and it's summer, I was hoping you would extend the phone time to 10:30. I said, "Sorry chic, get off the phone." Then she had the audacity to say, "Couldn't you just break the rules and let up some because my friend is telling me something really good." Now let's pause for a minute. If this had've been at my parents house when the four of us girls were growing up, my dad would get on the other phone and say in the receiver, "Barbara, do you want me to tell your friends it's time to get off or you're going to tell them."

So when our daughter said this, (keep in mind that I'm in the kitchen), it felt like I was in slow motion when I backed up to give her the look. I said in my calm but stern voice, "No, you cannot stay on the phone, and I don't care who you are talking to, I..... want....... you .........to......... get........ off ........right.......now. Rules are rules and if I let her stay on, then I might as well let our son stay at the game earlier. I'm not trying to be my children's friends and making it easier for them will just have them not wanting to leave.....EVER! Well I stood my ground, trust me, they will get over it if they haven't already done so.

Lovingly yours,

It's official

Our daughter has passed to the 12th grade and our son has passed to the 9th. Yippee!!! This was a time to celebrate as school let out for the summer. I don't know which one is happier or more excited. Our daughter looks forward to everything that comes with being a senior while our son is so thrilled to be going to high school. Daughter's new word for today is SENIOR-ITIS. Hubby and I are proud of them both because for a hot minute, we really didn't think our daughter would make it through these 180 days of being a junior (or as she calls it, prison) but with prayer and constant motivation, she came out a winner. Now if only we can get through one more year.....whew!

Lovingly yours,

Face Breakout

I decided to use a new cream on my face. I had seen it on television saying what Ambi Fade Cream could do and that it would diminish black spots. Well back in the 4th grade, I had chicken pox and it itched like crazy and no matter how much your parents tell you not to scratch and no matter how much calamine lotion was applied, I had to scratch, so I was left with  a few black spots. The spots never bothered me growing up but from seeing this commercial, I just felt that it was worth a try to use this cream.

The directions said for me to use it twice daily and I did, when I noticed it was making my face worse than better. You know you hear people say that things will become worse before it gets better, I thought that about this cream. I had all these finer bumps come on my face like it was heat, and then what seemed like a burnt spot here or there and it itched.  Hubby mentioned to me that he thought it was something I was eating with acid in it. He inquired if I had drank orange juice and I said I had not, because I didn't realize I was allergic to orange juice until welps started breaking out on my arms....and this didn't happen until a few years ago in my adult years. I didn't have one single problem drinking orange juice when I was a child.

So hubby said to me that whatever it was that it was breaking my face out. I told him I was using this new cream and wondered if that was the cause of it. He said he didn't know and for me to read the ingredients in the cream. When I read it, one of the ingredients was alpha hydroxy acid. I showed it to him and he said that he was asking in a loving way for me to please stop using the cream and see what happens. I stopped using it immediately after using it for 10 days and after I stopped using the cream, my face started healing. The bumps have disappeared and the burn-like peel spots are also healing.  Hubby said that my face may have been sensitive to the cream and that I could use it on my legs or something.

I'm not downing Ambi Fade Cream, it just didn't work well with me and it may work well with someone else. My face is not itching anymore and the beauty in me just keeps on shining through. Forget them black spots, they will just have to stay.

Lovingly yours,