Friday, May 18, 2012

Minor differences make a big difference

There are just some things we do not allow our children to do especially while they are still living in our house. I can't determine what they will do once they move out, but as long as they are living here, it's not going to happen. Such things that are not allowed are tattoos, drinking, smoking, our son can't get an ear-ring and there definitely will not be any body piercings such as lip rings, tongue rings, eyebrow rings...stuff like that.

Hubby has a niece who is the same age as our daughter, but younger by only about 6 weeks. I had never met her but she wanted to come and visit us and so I agreed. When she came, I guess you could say that I was sort of judgemental because when I first saw that tattoo around her neck, I couldn't help but to stare it. When I saw the lip ring and then another tattoo on her arm, I thought if I was being too hard on my children, especially our almost 19 year old daughter who wants a tattoo. I immediately answered no I am not being too hard, I am just being a parent. No offense to those reading this who already have a tattoo, but why on earth does someone want to be all tatted up? Can you even get a good, decent job looking like a thug? Inquiring minds want to know.

So after awhile, hubby asked his niece if she wanted to step outside with him. Ok, stop the press. I already know that if you stepping outside at midnight that she must smoke. I know that hubby don't be stepping outside at that time of night, so when he said it, it was like he was condoning smoking. He doesn't think of it that way. I disagreed. I'm trying to figure out in my mind how does an 18 year old get cigarettes in the first place and who is buying them for her. I really want to ask her all these questions and to tell her that she is cutting her life short already. Hubby's excuse is that she has had a hard life. My reply is "and your point would be what?????"

Even though hubby's niece and my daughter will both be 19 soon, they are both on two totally different levels. One is living the life of an adult while the other one does not want to grow up yet. One has had to live on her own while the other one enjoys living at home and is not ready to move out yet. When I asked our daughter if she was going to talk to hubby's niece and get to know her.....our daughter's response was, "we don't have anything in common." Wow is all I am left with saying.

1 comment:

  1. As long as your children are happy and aren't resenting any of the decisions you've made for them. When they begin to be resentful or have their own thoughts and opinions about such things then I think it's time to revisit the conversation with adult children. There is always a common ground. The only reason I don't have a tattoo is because my skin tends to keloid so I don't want to risk that. I think some can be tastefully done and not ghetto or street. I have a BFF whose oldest child (who is almost 21) has tattoos and I think her youngest at 17 has one. Her middle daughter has a belly ring. I think the alternatives: drugs, stealing, etc. Just pick the battles. Now the way I raised my oldest daughter she never really has had an interest in those types of things probably because her skin keloids as well. LOL

    Okay, I'm coming to the end of my commenting: On the standpoint of your niece and daughter talking. My oldest daughter has a sister who is about two years older than her (by her dad of course) and her life has been 1,000 times different than my daughter's life. She smokes cigarettes, used to do drugs, is a exotic dancer, has been a pimps (girlfriend), is bisexual, has tattoos and piercings and who knows what else. When Amber was younger and I knew she would see her sister I told her that she'd probably hear some things from her sister that she hasn't experienced and to make sure that she doesn't follow her or become enticed with what her life is like. The two of them have a good relationship and nothing the sister has done has influenced my daughter, but I did encourage their relationship. There's nothing like family and sometimes it's valuable to learn from others our age. Okay, that's enough, huh? :-)