Slapping folks silly left and right

I had to tell my mind to calm down several times at work on yesterday. You see, sometimes my mind has a mind of its own. Yeah, you read it right. My mind goes off on these delirious rants and then I have to be the one to get it back in line. I will set the scenario up for you. There is an instructor who will be working in the math lab at work. When she came to my office to fill out the paperwork, I informed her that she needed to have a background check and a drug test done. She informed me that she don't do drugs and haven't done anything criminal. I told her that is good to know and that in order for her to work, she will still need to get it done and that the cost was gonna be $85.00. I also told her that it would be taken out of her check every other week because the company wasn't gonna take out the whole 85 at one time......this crazy lady went into a rant about how it would then be worthless to work there and that would probably be all the money she would make....SERIOUSLY - and I know people need their money but I told her that is the policy. She kept yapping and yapping and yapping and at that point, my hand felt a tingle to just want to slap her silly. I controlled myself but I told her if she wanted to work there, then she gonna have to do the background check and drug test and that was the end of that conversation. She wasn't too happy with what I said but she ended up doing the paperwork in the end.

Next scenario - There is a lady who is out at work in another department and has been out for about two weeks and don't know when she will be back at work due to surgery. So my boss thought I was gonna take over her work and do my work as well. That was not going to happen. She kept sneakingly passing off work to me here and there because the boss of the other department would ask my boss if she mind me doing this and that. I asked my boss if she wanted my work to be done or the other departments work to be done and that I couldn't do both - they both almost got slapped - because they first could have asked me if I wanted to do it instead of assuming, and then maybe if they would have offered more pay......so the other department had to hire a temp person until the other lady gets back. Shoot, I already got too much going on in my own department.

Last scenario - Remember the lady who came in my office in scenario one, yeah the one who didn't want to pay the 85 dollars? Well she comes back to my office close to the time of me about to get off work. I was cleaning off my desk, so I could get ready and go to class. She comes walking in there with her posse as if that was suppose to scare me or something. I was finishing up a phone call and at that very minute, she says, (in her bratty voice) - "I need you to fax something for me." I gave her that "excuse me" look  and said, "I am on the phone." I finished up the call and told her that I don't fax stuff and that our department is an independent office and that I will SHOW her how to use the fax machine. She said she aint got time and I said neither do I and that I'm about to get off work. She said, "So you don't go over and beyond!" (AND YOU SEE, YOUR HONOR, THIS IS WHY SHE  ALMOST GOT SLAPPED) Again, I gave her that "excuse me" look. I told her how to put the paper in, put her fax number in and then send and on that note, I was walking out the door. She and her posse were still talking when I walked out and she said, "that is my favorite administrative assistant." My mind was like, "YEAH WHATEVER!!"