Mixed Feelings

Is it selfish of me if hubby wants to do something and I don't? Well, in this situation, I'm just gonna have to be selfish. Hubby wants us to be foster parents and he hasn't said I was being selfish, but we can't always give in to what the other person wants. He has voiced his concerns that we would make excellent foster parents and I wouldn't doubt that we would not but I also mentioned to him that even if I wanted to, that time is not of the essence right now. He says that he doesn't want to pressure me but yet he keeps asking me if I've thought about it or not. I told hubby that I did think about it but not how he wants me to think about it.

I'm at a point in my life now that I have patience for our kids, and a few of our kids friends, mainly because their friends know I don't take no junk and they know the rules when they come to our house and they know where I stand on things. I am trying to go to school and patience for other children would definitely be an option. Our daughter is a senior and everything that goes with being a senior, such as the teenage drama and I want to focus on her and make sure she is doing everything she needs to get that diploma and then make sure my son get that bonding from hubby, now that he is high school now. I do feel that bringing a foster child in our home, especially at this time, is just not a good idea. I feel that he or she would not get that loving motherly and fatherly attention that a child deserves. Some of my fears are what kind of child would it be? Does he/she steal? Lie? Run-away? Curse? Fight? Uggghhhh, too much stuff to try to think about or deal with.

I don't think it's selfish of me to have waited until both kids are in high school for me to go back to school and do something for myself that I've wanted to do and putting it on hold again will just keep delaying me. Our children won't be children forever and then I will just have a job with nothing else to show for my life. Does it sound like I'm talking about me, me, me and I, I, I? Well, hubby should understand what I've been telling him and if time permits after all my schooling is over, we can consider the topic then. But in the meantime, I will just be selfish cause I am liking life just the way it is.

Lovingly yours,